3 ways to demoralise your team

Every year I work with hundreds of managers and their teams. Although there are some jerks out there, the majority of managers do not intentionally set out to demoralize their teams, but often they are task focused, driven by haste and urgency and they behave in ways that do just that.

1. They talk, talk and talk. In team meetings they confuse transparency for inclusivity — more on this in a later blog. Often managers feel the need to dominate the conversation. They provide information, they suggest or direct next steps, they solve the team’s problems, they tell people how to do their jobs. The more they talk the less likely the team is to contribute and share their ideas.

2. They ask for feedback but don’t really want it. And then they defend or deflect the comments. Worse still, some of them are not very gracious in the face of feedback and resent the comments and serve some level of retribution. Basically, they are asking for validation of what they are doing and don’t really want to hear how things could be done differently

3. They break their word. Nothing breaks trust like not doing what you said you would do. Poor managers say things like: “I’ll get back to you.” But they don’t.” I’ll follow up with that for you.” And they don’t bother or have no intention. They schedule a meeting with you and then get hijacked by mails or a need to call someone. They plan a meeting and are unprepared to analyse, discuss or decide at that time.

If you are guilty of any of these behaviors, there are things you can do differently.

1. Create and allow space for team members to contribute in meetings and one-on-ones. If your team isn’t up for this — probably because they’re not used to contributing — you may have to introduce a structured conversation process or some simple tools like ‘Think, Write, Share’ allow people two minutes to respond to a question, note down their responses, then have each person share their answer. Ask questions and facilitate a discussion by asking what people liked about other ideas. Treat everyone fairly and ask their input on problem solving and planning.

2. Rather than ask for feedback ask for feedforward. Ask your team what you could do differently in the next meeting, or what they’d like to see more in future. Comments about past performance often cause the brain to be defensive and to adopt a ‘fight or flight’ reaction. We tend to deny, explain, or withdraw from the situation. Comments that focus on future possibilities are perceived in the prefrontal cortex which has been implicated in concepts related to hope, optimism and positive thinking. We are less likely to be triggered by them and more likely to see the potential in change. Use the same technique in your one-on-ones by asking people what they could do differently or better.

3. Keep your word. Do what you promise to do. Note commitments down so you can remember them even in the urgency of the day. Schedule time in your day and week for reflection and follow up. Give your team permission to remind you if they think something has slipped your mind.

A few simple changes can make the difference between a demoralised team and an engaged, motivated team.